Saturday, November 12, 2005

I TOLD you it's not ALL Mary Poppins...

I am busy clearing the table in preparation for lunch. Everyone is playing except Arthur, who is sitting on the quiet stair for having repeatedly jumped on the couch. Mia is hanging around close to him. Too close, in fact: the quiet stair is a time out, not an occasion for visiting. But I'm busy, and I'll be calling them all to lunch in about 68 seconds, so I let it go. Then, suddenly, Arthur is laughing. You have to understand about Arthur: while he has, like every small child, a delightful small-child gurgle of a laugh, he also has this other one. This laugh would have you who don't know him wincing; it has me, who does know him, grinding her teeth. It's a loud, grating, HEE-HAW bray of a laugh, and it always, always, always means he is involved in something dopey. So now I have to investigate. On the floor in front of him are the contents of my purse. I have two purses, a very small one which I commonly use, and a larger backpack one for longer outings when I have more to carry and want both hands free. It is this larger, often unused purse, that is scattered. Bus tickets, my birth certificate, a cheque book, a tampon, a lip liner pencil, change purse...the usual purse detritus litter the floor before a delighted Arthur. "Arthur, did you do this?" "No," he says. "Mia did." I'm dubious. If he didn't start it, he surely participated. I catch a blur of pink and blue as Mia darts past, humming to herself. Now, the pink is understandable, since that's all the kid ever, ever wears, but blue? Kind of a metallic blue. And she's not humming; in fact, it's not Mia making that noise, it's more of a mechanical buzz, and it's coming from the thing in her hand. That metallic blue, buzzing item in her hand. Damn. I'd totally forgotten THAT was in my purse! Thank God it's not parent-time.


Blogger kimmyk said...

oh for the love of Mary...or is that Mia!!!!!

No wonder Harry was he-haw'n !!

Just tell them "Miss Mary P gets neck aches and it's purely medicinal".

11/12/2005 09:44:00 a.m.  
Anonymous M&Co. said...

I'm sitting her trying to figure out how and why you'd need THAT on an outting with 8 kids the age of my BoyChild!

11/12/2005 02:23:00 p.m.  
Blogger Aginoth said...



So has Mia mentioned it to her parents?

11/12/2005 03:37:00 p.m.  
Blogger Juggling Mother said...

My opinion of you will never be the same:-)


11/12/2005 03:55:00 p.m.  
Blogger craziequeen said...

[falls off chair]


11/12/2005 06:34:00 p.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Kimmyk: I thought it was funny. They, of course, have no idea what it is, and I have no intention of telling them, beyond, "That's mine, thanks."

mc: LOL... Well, I don't, obviously. (Though it's always good policy to be relaxed when you work with small children...) It was in there from the last time the purse was used - which was a weekend away with my husband! 'Nuff sad. :-)

Aginoth: Mia can't say anything, because she doesn't know the word, and do you think I'm silly enough to give it to her?? I'm safe!

MrsA: Glad to hear it. It's that whole madonna-whore thing, isn't it? As MaryP, I'm solidly in the "madonna" category. MaryP, however, is only my day job. (And NO, that does NOT mean my night job is the other... sheesh!)

CQ: Whoops! Dust yourself off, my dear. Hope you didn't hurt yourself with that little manoeuvre.

11/12/2005 07:26:00 p.m.  
Anonymous MIM said...

Mary, how I love you for writing this post. BRAVO! BRAVO! I want more of THESE posts!

11/12/2005 10:11:00 p.m.  
Blogger Matthew said...

What? I don't get it? Did she have a flashlight? But flashlights don't buzz. Hmmmm. What is it? It buzzes... Hmmmm. Maybe it was a b... OH. OOHHH!

Mary. I'm blushing.

btw, just how big is it?

11/12/2005 10:36:00 p.m.  
Blogger McSwain said...

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! There goes the prim and proper image. I need to dust myself off from ROTFLMAO, too. That would be a great scene for one of those Steve Martin parenting movies...

11/13/2005 02:27:00 a.m.  
Blogger The June Cleaver Diaries said...

Okay, so why was it in your purse? Do you use it on outing? If so, how do you keep it on the down-low? Is there a special case you can keep it in, for the off-chance that someone will be rummaging through your purse for change? Maybe something that looks like a well-respected book? Perhaps something like "War and Peace?" If so, where would one find such an item?

I just want to know for, um, research purposes. Yeah. Research. (clearing throat)

11/13/2005 08:39:00 a.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

mim: Define "these posts". Slightly naughty ones? Ones that hint that I just may have a sex life? (An interesting one, even?) Perhaps the children can slip in body oil or wander by sucking chocolate off a tiny paint brush??

Matthew: Okay, I admit that I set myself up for that question by my reaction to the 10,000th visitor prize.

But, really: "How big is it?" SUCH a guy question... (See how cleverly I'm avoiding answering it, too.)

Cheryl: Have you seen the IKEA ad? It circulated on the internet for quite a while: aired without comment in many European countries, it was banned in North America -- because it showed a little boy, about 4 years old, playing on the floor. First he shoves a choo-choo train, then he flies a spaceship. A BIG, silver spaceship. And when he drops it, it starts humming and buzzing all over the rug in front of him, while he shrieks in laughter. The tag line? "Need more storage? Visit IKEA." Too funny.

SNM: My, you're an eager little thing, aren't you?? That was quite the list of questions! Let's see:

Why was it in my purse? Mc&Co asked the very same question, and the answer I gave her will do.

I always use it on the "down-low". That's where these items work best... ar, ar, ar...

No, I never seem to squeeze enough "me-time" into an outing to manage a quick solo trip to the ladies.

I tuck it in a discreet corner, but no special case. No one is allowed in my purse, on pain of death, so discovery by my kids hasn't happened - or if they've snuck in there in defiance of house rules and were mortified, serves them right.

It looks like what it is*: though a shiny metallic turquoise. They also came in pink, silver, and white. (*It does not look like a male organ. If I want one of those, I can get the real thing.)

Camouflage cases!! What a great idea! You should look into this, it could be a great money-maker!! It could look like a book, or a huge lipstick case (no, too obvious), a glasses case?

I know: make it look like a package containing a couple of tampons! That would ensure none but females of the right age ever peek in.

11/13/2005 09:30:00 a.m.  
Blogger Granny said...

That is too funny. I'm not sure I'd ever have the nerve for true confessions such as this.

At least he didn't squirrel it away to show mommy.

11/13/2005 09:33:00 a.m.  
Blogger LoryKC said...

My inner child is surprised!
My grown up side says, Mary, you've got to put that bag on a higher shelf in the morning before the kiddos arrive!

11/13/2005 06:26:00 p.m.  
Blogger Misfit Hausfrau said...

So I'm thinking that keeping mine in a sock in my underwear drawer is pretty safe...

11/13/2005 07:31:00 p.m.  
Blogger Anon said...



11/14/2005 05:33:00 a.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Granny: Truth be known, I wrote it up and then emailed it to two blog friends. One begged me to post it, the other dared me. Without their input, I probably wouldn't have - but look how much fun we've all had with it!!

Lory: You are so right. I'll go do that right now!

Hausfrau: Until the day they go looking to make puppets... Have an explanation at the ready, my dear. No, really, buried in a boring drawer like that, I think you're safe!

Si: Blue. Though they did come in shiny metallic pink and white, too. I liked the blue best. :-)

11/14/2005 07:40:00 a.m.  
Blogger Susan said...

I am so very happy that you posted this.

Hooray for Mary P! And her, um, flashlight . . .

11/14/2005 12:22:00 p.m.  
Blogger ieatcrayonz said...

I always wondered how you kept the buzz of excitement going in the Poppins household.

11/14/2005 01:33:00 p.m.  
Blogger chosha said...

My golly gosh - lucky escape. Imagine if you'd been outside and not caught it quickly enough!! ^_^

11/14/2005 10:52:00 p.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Susan: Thank you, thank you.

Crayonz: Ar,ar,ar...

Chosa: Lordy, I hadn't even considered that possibility. Now I have visions of Mia charging around a sandbox with it in her hand! LOL

11/15/2005 08:29:00 a.m.  
Blogger aaron said...

Thanks for your willingness to share. I recommend that you keep this story handy -- if the day comes that you need to select among several potential children, share this story with the parents. When you see which of them laugh and which flee, your decision will be made. ;)

11/16/2005 10:23:00 a.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

What a great strategy!! Only - what if they ALL flee?

11/16/2005 10:38:00 a.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home