Sunday, January 22, 2006

Romantic Meme

Queen Bee tagged me on Thursday. Here we go! 1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. 2. Need to mention the sex of the target. 3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged. 4. If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again. Sex: male Eight characteristics of my perfect lover. (Not that I believe such a thing exists...) Let me think. Physical characteristics are generally unimportant. I tend to particularly love the aspects of my special man because they're particular to him. So if he's my height, I love that I can make eye contact with him; if he were tall, I'd love that I fit so neatly under his arm. I actively love attributes that are not in the "good looking" category - a particular stoop of the shoulders, say, or a bit of a round tummy - because they are "him". Except weight: He doesn't have to be buff and hollywood perfect, (I'm certainly not!), but obesity is a huge turn-off. 1. Conversation, for me, is the life-blood of a relationship. He must, must, must be able to converse. This means talking and listening, sharing ideas, building concepts together. I see conversation as a shared creative act, not a mere matter of taking anecdotal turns. This also means he must be at least as intelligent as me. 2. Be emotionally aware and able to speak intelligently of his feelings. (For many years I thought this was simply fantasy, something I could only get from female friends. To my utter delight, I have discovered that there is one such man on the planet!) 3. Be able to disagree respectfully. He must believe, as I do, that conflicts, handled properly, are portals to a closer relationship. 4. Be capable of nurturing. (Me, children, fuzzy bunnies...) Not that I need or want a daddy instead of a partner, but everyone likes to be nurtured from time to time. 5. Be respectful of me and my strengths. Be aware of my weaknesses without contempt. 6. Be able to laugh at himself. 7. Love me to distraction. 8. Be able and willing to hold his own in a conflict when needful, but deplore violence. You know what? I've found all these. All in the same man! Took me twelve years in an increasingly bad marriage, and a little exploration along the way, but I've landed with the perfect man for me. I am so lucky. As for who I'll tag, I'll do this the way I always do these things: if you want to do this one, just let me know in the comments section, and we'll all troop over to your place and check it out!


Blogger Stephen (aka Q) said...

I see conversation as a shared creative act.

I love that phrase. And I think I'd better not comment on the rest of the post.

1/22/2006 08:54:00 a.m.  
Blogger Juggling Mother said...

I think I'll give this one a miss, it's not good for men to read that we actually quite like them;-)

I'm glad you found a good 'un though:-)

1/22/2006 02:17:00 p.m.  
Blogger Queen Bee said...

"I see conversation as a shared creative act, not a mere matter of taking anecdotal turns. This also means he must be at least as intelligent as me."

Absolutely agree on this!

Point (3) is also very meaningful. It's a great tip to people living close to each other eg couples, family.

1/23/2006 03:07:00 a.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Q: How modest of you. :-)

MrsA: Ah, but it is good to encourage the ones we know best, so as to ensure they keep at the things they're doing right!

QueenBee: My first husband saw conflict as somthing entirely negative, to be avoided at all costs. (His parents, you see, "Never fought". They did him a great disservice by never letting their children see a conflict, so that they might see one constructively resolved.)

This is one of the many reasons we are no longer married! Any couple will have conflict: what matters is how you deal with it. I truly believe that, handled well, conflict can bring you closer together.

1/23/2006 07:16:00 a.m.  
Anonymous MaryP(another one) said...

Oh Mary P., how I do agree with thee.

I loved everything you expressed! I think you're MY perfect man. MaryP

1/24/2006 10:19:00 p.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

MaryP: Hey there, and welcome! And a poem, no less! Since I've never had more than the very idlest of curiosity about my own side of the gender fence, though, I think you'll have to look elsewhere for your perfect man. LOL

1/25/2006 07:31:00 a.m.  

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