Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It's Not What You Think!!

George stands in front of the loveseat. His back is to the room, the cushion of the couch at his hip level. There is no toy on the couch in front of him, nothing that I can see to keep him where he is, and yet he's intently focussed on his task, which seems to be... ...thrusting his pelvis repeatedly and rhythmically against the cushion. Hmmm. Now, I'm an adult, with adult perceptions and sensibilities. I am also just not one to get all squeamish about this stuff. He is an innocent four-year-old boy. It may not be what it looks like. However. I have seen innocent four-month-old boys playing gleefully with their apparatus. Innocence doesn't prevent you from enjoying the feeling: innocence only means the child is completely unaware of the significance of the feeling. Innocence means, frankly, that a small boy will blissfully masturbate anywhere. "Hey, George, what'cha doing?" Tone of voice very casual. Just checking in, and if he is doing what I think he's doing, I'm really curious as to what his answer will be. "I'm trying" - grunt, shove - "to push" - grunt - "the cushion" - gasp - "back onto the couch." Because he's right, you know, the cushion is jutting out an extra few inches further than it should. All right then. Have at it, George.


Blogger aaron said...

So much for the theory that George was listening to the Rocky Horror soundtrack with his folks last night. ;)

5/03/2006 01:01:00 p.m.  
Anonymous BeckaJo said...

It's just a *jump* to the left...

What is a good way to explain to a kid that they shouldn't do that in public, anyway? Redirection is not working so well any longer.

5/03/2006 01:12:00 p.m.  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

Oh how helpful he is! You gotta love it when they help us change our way of thinking.

5/03/2006 04:47:00 p.m.  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Ha! I once met a little girl who would straddle her stuffed animal and rock... til she grew all red and was breathing heavily! And when I briefly taguht daycare, one who would whip out the hose at any old time. So yeah, they don't get what all the fuss is about. [Beckajo, my personal take has always been that there are private activities and public activities. this is private. Not not okay, but not appropriate for sharing.]
Of course, the truth here was pretty funy, too! I guess using his weight was the only way he could hope to move it, really.

5/03/2006 05:55:00 p.m.  
Blogger Candace said...

Too funny!

(BeckaJo, I've always told my kids that that's something which should be done in private only. It's totally okay to do it, just not while someone else is in the room. They seem pretty okay with that!)

5/03/2006 08:42:00 p.m.  
Blogger Redhead Mommy said...

Ha!!! This is especially funny since I am dealing with the apparatus issue with my 20 month old. I guess it's not an issue, just makes diaper changes a bit more challenging, you know!

5/03/2006 09:17:00 p.m.  
Blogger Kat O+ said...

My child just started demonstrating some new dance moves that are more bump than grind. "The things he picks up at daycare!" we said to family. "What have you been teaching your child?" hubby and I asked each other when we got home. :-)

5/04/2006 03:00:00 a.m.  
Blogger EmmaK said...

Very amusing ... you're right, you can't freak kids out about masturbation, but nor can you let them do it anywhere. Looks like you got the tone just right.

5/04/2006 08:04:00 a.m.  
Blogger So-Called Supermom said...

That is hysterical! Hey---he had a good answer!

5/04/2006 09:06:00 a.m.  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Aaron: Oh, he could have been! His parents are totally the type! You wouldn't know it at first glance, staid professorial and bureaucratic types they appear, but they are.

Beckajo: I see you've already received a couple of good answers to your question. I don't give a reason, because there's no way they could understand it, being innocent and all...

If they're old enough to understand language, I tell them they can do that in their bedroom or in the bathroom, but they can't do it when there are other people around. If they ask why, I just say "It's not good manners." There are, after all, all sorts of inexplicable things we do and don't do because of "good manners". (And it's true! Public masturbation is soooo declasse....)

Tina: True! And they're so good at it!

Kittenpie: "The only way he knew how". Exactly, and just think: if I'd been the squeamish type and jumped in, horrified, I'd have traumatized the child for trying to help!

Girls do it, too, of course, but it often takes them a little longer to discover the delights of their less obvious apparatus.

Candace: I'm almost disappointed he wasn't indulging. I'd have loved to know how he'd explain it! Because of course, he would explain it, whyever not?

Redhead Mommy: With younger children, I tend just to say, "Let's move those hands. They're in the way." Because, after all, there's always bathtime for play!

KatO+: Snicker. So, who is it, really? Mum or Dad?

(I just realised that's your blood type. Duh.)

Emma K: Hello and welcome!! Thank you. Years of practice, my dear. Years and years...

ScSM: Oh, it was the truth! He's too young to think he'd have to hide the truth if it were the other. It just looked like something different to this debauched adult...

5/04/2006 09:21:00 a.m.  
Blogger Bill said...

I'm not sure if it was A. C. Kinsey or Masters and Johnson but one of these wrote extensively on this behaviour in children. They also had some advice on how to react to it, but keep in mind they were writing during the sexual revolution of the 1960's and Masters was a bit odd, borderline obsessive if I recall correctly. The advice was to neither encourage nor discourage but as has been pointed out, to explain that the act was private, like going to the toilet.

Mary P - you will never guess when I read on this topic and who actually owned the copies of the texts I read.

5/04/2006 12:31:00 p.m.  
Blogger Kristen said...

So funny. I guess it's even better that you checked in only casually, since acting appalled would have *really* confused him!

5/04/2006 01:38:00 p.m.  

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