Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sweet Relief

The bathroom doorknob is slimy. The inside bathroom doorknob is slimy. This is not good. This is so very not good. I stare at my hand in dismay. The stuff is translucent. If it has a colour at all, it's whitish. (NO, it's not that. Don't be ridiculous. They're none of them old enough.) Who was in the bathroom last? I see no drips on the floor, no smears on the sink, toilet, or tub. More hand-staring. I rub thumb and forefinger together. It's slick, it's not sticky. No idea. Now, I deal with slime of any number of descriptions every day in my job, and I am not squeamish. However, snot is snot is snot. Pee is pee. Barf is barf. Even liquid poop is just that. When you know what it is, you can deal with reality, no matter how redolent. And, of course, I never touch it. Not without a cloth, or gloves, betwixt me and it. Mystery slime, when you weren't expecting it, all over the bare skin of your hand, is quite different. Even though it's almost certain to be one of the above, it's different. Move my hand gingerly up to my face. I want to smell it, but God help me if it accidentally touches my lip. It smells... it smells...like not much, really. I bring it gingerly a little closer. It smells...nice. It smells nice! It smells like... Soap. Liquid soap from the pump dispenser. I think I'll just go sit down now.

14 Comments:

Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

Whew, what a relief!

Ian has recently discovered pump dispensers. I now find gobs of goo on and below many containers throughout the day. At least I don't have to guess what the stuff is yet.

6/14/2006 07:56:00 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

I was guessing lotion.

6/14/2006 08:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Whew! Consider yourself lucky. It's not even 7am around here and already I'm wearing eau de newborn vomit! At least you smell clean!!!

6/14/2006 09:59:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

"God help me if it accidentally touches my lip"...LOL!! I was hoping it was vaseline or something innocuous that one of the tots had gotten into - soap is even better...

6/14/2006 10:03:00 AM  
Blogger Java Mom..... said...

Love the blog....sounds like you have a very sweet daycare. I did it for almost 10 years and then my son got sick (he's fine now) and I could not juggle both daycare and my own 2 kids with one sick.....I have put my own hand up to my nose on several occasions like you......glad it was only soap this time!! LOL

6/14/2006 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger Tater and Tot said...

Have you ever seen that practical joke where they smear Vaseline on the handrail of the escalator? Every single person that sticks their hand in the gooey, slimey, icky junk immediately puts their fingers right up to their nose to smell it. So, scientific (lol) evidence proves that you have a normal human reaction. But at least the places where your doorknob goo came from were limited to your own home. Imagine all of the people who were around that escalator. Those possibilities are endless. Yuck!

6/14/2006 11:06:00 AM  
Anonymous kerry said...

ah, yes, that has happened to me on more than one occassion. and you are always mortified when you find some unknown substance on your hand in the first few seconds. LOL glad to hear it was soap. i was thinking lotion, too.

6/14/2006 12:42:00 PM  
Anonymous abogada said...

You had me wondering for awhile. Glad to hear that it was soap.

6/14/2006 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Jenorama said...

I am sitting right next to you in your dining room, we with our duelling laptops, and so you got to hear me making noises of, "ew," when reading your post and hear me laugh at the discovery of soft soap (and you heard me ask you, before the end of the post, if it was lotion).

Meeting bloggers is fun!

6/14/2006 06:44:00 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I can so imagine that hesitant, trepidatious (is that a word?) moment before you felt a rush of relief and an urge to laugh aloud with it! Much better than those revolting moments when, during a diaper change, you suddenly feel your thumb *sliiiide* - bleah.

6/14/2006 07:14:00 PM  
Blogger L. said...

I envy Jen. I want to go to Ottowa, too!!!!

And I had a parallel experience once -- I thought I had put my hand in some squishy poop, until I noticed the sweet scent of...chocolate.

6/14/2006 10:18:00 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Ottawa convention anyone? Although I might never leave.

The only worse thing I can think of is thinking it's chocolate and having it be poop.

Ewww.

6/14/2006 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Oh my gosh the whole time my nose is crinkled up thinking "No Mary dont smell it dont smell it ! "

i'm glad you smelled it. i feel better now knowing what the slime was.

6/15/2006 06:23:00 AM  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Mamacita: In fact, this turned out to the the production of one of the after-school children, whose grandmother has recently been visiting. Seems germ-phobic gramma's motto regarding soap is "the more the better". Once I explained that the germs were not gone until the soap was all rinsed away, the problem vanished. Phew.

Peter: Wish I'd thought of that first. It would have saved me that moment of revulsion. Urgh.

Jennifer: I remember those brand-new mother days... The soft fuzz of a newborn's head, their hot weight in your arms, the tiny sighing noises they make when they nurse... Those are priceless memories. Feeling like a sleep-deprived, sweat-sodden , sour-milk-reeking zombie dairy cow? Not so much. The good, the bad, and the ugly of parenthood, huh?

Kristen: If it had touched my lip and NOT been soap or something innocuous... I don't know what I'd have done. Well, yes, I do: just cleaned it off and got on with things, because that's what you do. But ick.

Thank goodness for happy endings!

JavaMom: Hello, and Welcome! Nice to see a new face. I hope all is well with your son now.

Tater and Tot: Another new face! Welcome!

A public escalator. Eew. It's not that what could be on that handrail is potentially any nastier than what could be in a bathroom of all rooms in a house, but that you don't know whose personal slime that could be! Now that's scary!

Kerry: Yes, of course all that entire post was what went through my mind in a period of about .74 seconds. It takes longer to write than to experience - thankfully!

Abogada: Hello! I don't know if I welcomed you the first time - so, Welcome! I was glad it was soap, too. :-)

Jen: How geeky is that, side by side at the dining room table, with out laptops? But I've never aspired to "cool" - it's way too limiting!

Kittenpie: And even two hand-washings later, you can still smell shit on your skin? Oh, yeah. Hence the nailbrushes at every sink in the house.

L: Phew. The similarity of chocolate to shit has given me a chill on more than one occasion, too. It's an occupational hazard. (Ottawa is a lovely city. You'd be welcome to visit!)

Granny: Oh, now I'm picturing someone doing a confident taste test and discovering the awful truth! Ew!

(An Ottawa convention? Here at Casa Mary we have eleven - count'em - eleven beds! We could make room.)

Kimmyk: I was thinking pretty much the same thing, even as I was smelling it! Happy endings all round - phew.

6/15/2006 09:12:00 AM  

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